Be Okay
by fangirlafxx
Summary: One shot. Based after the "I'm just glad it was you that they sent in" scene.


Erin stepped into the cold hospital bathroom. Her body tensed as she made her way to the sink and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her hair was knotted with glass and her body still covered in blood. There was a painful stinging sensation flowing through her body, but she couldn't pinpoint where; her entire body seemed to hurt.

She lifted her shirt slightly, and found a few open gashes on her side that she hadn't noticed before. Her ears caught wind of a few voices on the other side of the bathroom door, but she let her mind block them out. That was something she had gotten pretty good at over the last few weeks - shutting people out. Though every part of her tried not to, it was better that way. When she shuts people out it's like protecting them from all of the evil that surrounds her; or at least she thinks she's protecting them. The events of the last twenty four hours had surely proven that theory wrong. Though it didn't matter much anymore, the damage she'd helped cause was already done. She shut out the most important person in her life and now he was laying in a hospital bed. Some protection, huh?

Erin took a few papertowels from the shelf beside her and patted the cuts lightly in hopes of clearing them a bit and soothing the sting. With each touch, a small wince outted her mouth.

She turned the faucet on and began rubbing her hands together as the warm water cascaded down on them. She used every ounce of strength and energy she had left to scrub each hand accordingly. She watched as the red liquid dripped from her skin and made its way down the drain.

She listened closely as the voices outside the bathroom got louder, "Erin? You okay in there?" Hank Voight asked from through the door. After the paremedics had arrived at the scene and gave Erin the all clear, he was still not convinced. He forced her into his car and drove straight to med. The amount of concern he had was surprising considering the strain on their current relationship.

"Uh yeah. Be out in a second," Erin sighed. She pulled her shirt back down over her stomach and groaned when the damp fabric came in contact with sores on the side of her body. She finished cleaning herself up as thorough as she possibly could before exiting the bathroom.

Erin made her way down the hallway and was greeted with many familiar faces, all in which gave off the same expression of sympathy that she'd tried so desprately to avoid. One at a time the guys marched themselves over to her, patting her shoulder and whispering words of thanks into her ear. Erin chose to ignore the things circling out of their mouths, and instead gave them each a slightly awkward smile in appreciation. As the guys left the room, Erin made herself comfortable in bed. If she was being forced to wait there, she might as well make use of her time. She closed her eyes and let herself relax in spite of unease that radiated the room. Hank Voight sat a few feet away in a chair, glaring over at her. She could feel his eyes on her the moment the others had left and he'd made his way into her room. It was almost as if she were a teenager again, being silently questioned after she'd returned home after curfew or gave a bit of an attitude. Hank was always good at intimidating the hell out of her, even if that wasn't his intention. He knew that though, that's why he did it. Erin had never been an open book. Only the luckiest people in the world got to see what was truly happening in that head of hers. But sometimes it took a little disipline or a few rough patches to get through to her.

About an hour later, the doctor came in to ask Erin a few questions and check up on her. Everything went smoothlhy and she was very quickly given discharge papers.

Hank stood up and met his eyes with Erin's. She tried to peel hers from his but lost the battle when she heard the scratchiness in his voice, "I'm gonna go, your car is out front."

"Okay," Erin nodded. She watched her serrogate father walk out of the room. Part of her was relieved he was gone, but the other part wanted him to latch onto her and tell her everything would be okay. She wasn't a firm believer of that now days, but to have someone at least try to make it a point would be nice. Though she knew she didn't deserve that kind of support from anyone, she still longed for some sort of comfort.

"You all set?" a nurse asked, handing Erin the last of her paperwork.

"Yeah."

"You're a hero, Ms. Lindsay. Your partner is lucky to have you."

Erin just about choked at those words. She swallowed the urge to argue and mumbled a small thank you barely loud enough for the nurse to hear.

The thought of Jay flashed through her mind like a firework in the sky. Quick and loud, causing all sorts of ruckus in her head. She'd been ignoring every thought or feeling about him since she'd left the scene. Thinking about him only increased the ache in her heart.

"He was asking about you, you know."

Erin chuckled, "I'm sure he was."

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you," the nurse deffended, inspecting the look of pure annoyance and sadness in Erin's face.

If Erin was being honest, she knew she was being too short with the woman and that she didn't deserve it. She didn't have any prior knowledge on the situation, so much like others she just saw Erin as the person that saved her partners life. But what she and every other stranger she passed today didn't know, was that the reason her partner had even needed saving was because of her. She wasn't there to back him up and keep him safe. If she'd just been a little stronger, a little braver and a little smarter Jay wouldn't have almost died.

"It's alright. It's just hard right now. Thank you for this," Erin signaled the papers in her hand.

"No problem. Um, I'm not sure how you feel but he's right down the hall on the left if you'd like to stop in. Take care, detective."

Erin peaked her head around the corner. As she entered the new hospital room, her eyes fixated on Jays sleeping form. He was laying on his back with a couple blankets covering his body. He had two pillows behind his head, and one elevating his legs. The bruising on his face was even more visible than it'd been before and more injuries were surfacing. Looking his body from head to toe, Erin could feel her heart break into millions of pieces. Every memory she had of her and Jay came charging at her full force. She clenched her eyes together trying to hold back the river of tears threatening to burrow out of her.

Though they didn't know it at the time, their entire world changed the moment they met each other. In fact, he became her entire world and she became his.

Jay had always been quite annoying in Erin's book. Their days were filled with jokes and banter, sourced around the fact that Jay couldn't take much of anything seriously. Most girls would have ran away right then, but Erin was sold. She loved how he challenged her, how he knew just how far he could push her before he needed to back down. He knew her strengths and he knew her weaknesses. He knew what she'd willingly open up about and what he'd have to wait patiently to hear. He knew this beautiful complicated girl like the back of his hand.

For the most part, Jay was the reel keeping Erin pulled in when she started to float too far from the shore. But after Nadia died, Erin didn't give him that option. She cut the string and let herself sink.

Jay did all he could to get through to her, but soon realized nothing he could do would be of any use. Erin had to come back from this on her own. So he left her standing in front of a club, contemplating her decisions. And now they were here. Jay in a hospital bed, and Erin standing next to him.

She let her eyes skim over him one last time before turning on her heels to walk away. There were fresh tears running down her cheeks and she prayed she would wake him with her sniffles before she made it out of the room.

"Erin?" Jay asked groggily. He blinked his eyes a few times to get a clearer vision of the girl standing before him.

Erin turned back around, and let her water-filled eyes land on his sleepy ones. She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and spoke softly, "Yeah."

Jay used his left arm to push himself up a bit. He winced at the immediate pain that shot through his body and let out a breath he'd been holding in once he got comfotable again. He studied Erin's body for a minute, taking in every inch of her. Maybe it wasn't the right time, but she was deffinitely still that same beautiful girl he'd fallen in love with. A little broken now, but nothing that would stay broken forever. She was too strong for that.

"I'm sorry," Erin said in almost a whisper.

"Don't," Jay shook his head. "I don't need apologies, Erin."

Jay scootched himself over to the left side of his bed and motioned Erin to come sit on the right. "But there is something I do need."

Erin looked at him confusingly but obligued his request, "I'm not going to hurt you am I?"

"No." Jay took Erin's hand in his. "I need you to promise me something, right now. Can you do that?"

Erin nodded her head in agreement, but didn't say a word.

"Promise me that you won't let this evil control you anymore. That you'll let Voight help you. That you'll let me help you," Jay swiped his thumb over the back of Erin's hand to soothe the tension he could feel rising in her body. "Or if you need to, get some help from someone who is specialized in that category."

"You want me to see a shrink?"

"Erin, I don't want you to do anything that you don't feel comfortable doing. But I do want you to let someone in. I want to help you, but if its not me you feel comfortable talking to, then thats okay. Just talk to someone, please." Jay pleaded.

Erin gave Jay the best smile she had in her at the moment, "I can try."

"Okay." Jay brought Erin's hand up to his lips and placed a light kiss on the back of it, "That's all I want."

Erin settled back against the pillows, she let Jay put his arm around her as she snuggled a little closer into his side, careful not to hurt him. She felt a little awkward cuddled with him, but felt a little more at ease when she ran his hand up and down her arm reassuring her that it was okay. Jay may not be ready to dive back into their relationship the way it was, but he was surely not going to let her slip away again. He was done letting the one really good thing in his life get away. If this entire situation taught him anything, it was that he loved Erin more than anything and his life isn't anything without her.

"And just so you know, I meant what I said earlier. I'm glad it was you that they sent in. I needed to see you."

Erin had listened intently to the words coming out of Jays mouth and her heart swelled. She didn't know how he could even want to be in the same room as her right now, let alone snuggled on a bed with her saying such nice things.

"Jay?" Erin asked, breaking the silence that had fallen over them.

"Yeah?"

"I know you said you don't want apologies, but I need to say it. So can you please listen?"

Jay didn't respond any rejections, so she took it as an okay and began speaking, "I'm sorry I pushed you away. I didn't mean to, it just happened. Everything hurt so much and I just wanted it all to go away. I still do."

Before Jay had the chance to speak, a nurse walked into the room, "I'm sorry to interupt, but visiting hours are almost over." Jay nodded his head to let her know he heard her before watching as she walked back out the door.

Erin wiped her tears and sat up, "I should get going anyway."

"Thank you for saving me," Jay stated before letting go of Erin's hand. To Erin's knowledge he was referring to what had taken place today, but in reality he meant rhetorically and physically. Because Erin may have saved his life during that kidnapping, but she saved him many times far before that.

"I'm glad you're okay," Erin said as she walked towards the door just as she had prior to their conversation.

"And Erin,"

"What?"

"It'll take some time, but you'll be okay. We both will."

There it was - the clarity she needed. The clarity she'd been waiting for all day. Though she didn't realize how much she needed it from him until now. Erin flashed Jay the first somewhat real smile she'd smiled all day and walked out of the hospital room, repeating his words in her head. "You'll be okay. We both will."


End file.
